I had this feeling I couldn’t shake for a while. This pill labeled “DT,” I just couldn’t swallow. The thing that worries me, even more, was that I wasn’t physically sick, maybe somewhat paralyzed but there was no need for the pill. The form of mental sickness that I had was created by me, and only can be fixed by me. Doubt is a hard pill to swallow. It’s hard to realize that you have it and you need to take it for what it is.
Once, you realize that you are doubting so much, you can overcome so much as well. Those words, phrases, and opinions have sunk into you. They have consumed you: “you’re not good enough,” “it doesn’t work,” “you can’t do that,” “no one cares”. So, many more of them have increased the doubt. Truth be told you can call it what you want but it’s “fear” you must “face”. I’ve been working on Web development, well at least the front-end side of things. It’s been at least 6 months now, it’s not easy teaching yourself how to code.
It’s extremely hard when you have so much you have to juggle in life. I don’t want to let my parents down either. Everyone is watching me, many criticizing and waiting for me to fail. Then there are others, the select few who are with me and supportive. It gets worse, the people you love the most that don’t see your dream and doesn’t understand your focus. Sometimes, I feel like I can’t do this and I should cut my losses and go to the Military. My father did it, most of my cousins did it, I guess it’s part of the family. I can’t run from that or maybe I should just be an electrician or join some other trade.
I’m around construction workers all the time. They like me and ask if I want to join all the time. You know that seems easier than pursuing this dream. I have no college education, no certificates, all I have is my drive and hours of work I’ve put in. No one cares about that. So, I’ll stop and do something easier and reasonable.
Or maybe I should stop making excuses and do what I said I will do. I don’t care of it takes me until next month, next year or five years. I am going to FACE IT and I am going to GET IT.
Guts In Order To Get “IT”
I told myself May 11, 2016, that I would make the calls and send the emails that day. I was pumping myself up, telling myself, “I am good enough, someone will listen and give me my shot.” The truth is I was nervous and kinda excited. The only thing that matters is the fact that I did it. I had to guts to call at least five companies in my area and send emails. I did this just to prove that I believe in myself and I know for fact I got what it takes.
See this may seem small to you, but to me, it’s big I took the initiative that I was scared to move on before. See I changed my mindset and instantly won the minute I did. I told myself out of all the companies I will contact at least one will answer and help. Sure enough, I got that one person and now I’m speaking it into existence that it will be more. I am confident now, my mind is full of belief and I am hungry for my version of success.
I look forward to my version of triumph no one else’s. I realized chasing after everyone else’s acceptance is what keeps you in fear for a long time. Now, it seems clear, say it… believe it… then go do it. Shoot for your own goals, your own success, and dreams. That’s how you obtain the good life. That’s how you live happy and successful. That’s part of the grind, the pain, and joy of LIFE ITSELF.
I say this for myself and others who just need a little push to chase their dream. Where are your guts? I heard once that if you do what you say 70% of the time guess what? Your average. If you do what you say 80% of the time guess what? You’re good. If you are the select few who have the guts to do what they say 90% of the time, guess what? You’re great! I’m trying to be great.
What about you?