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Category : Life

My heart had been beating for years now. I started at fifteen but wouldn’t finish until five years later. From the constant lies, I told myself to the life issues that became a distraction, I couldn’t finish. So why now? How did I finally find the courage to take a big leap forward. It was simple, I saw myself dead with nothing attached to my name.

The Dream

It was late a few nights back, in fact, it was midnight. I tossed and turned for what seemed like for hours. I was unable to sleep. I felt massive anxiety and bone-chilling anticipation for what? I had no clue at all. I finally tightened my eyes and relaxed and made myself go to sleep. What came next was a dream that settles too close to reality in my hearts eye. I was dead at the young age of twenty. My mom’s vision foggy because of the tears she tried to fight back.

My dad was in visible pain as any father would be when they realize they outlived their own son. Both said in their own way.

“He died with all his dreams, he died with regrets and without being able to say he gave life everything he had to offer.”

I woke up in a nervous wreck, confused and in shock. Where did this come from? What was the dream’s meaning? I figured it out within seconds. I had to do everything I said I would do before I die. Once I came to that realization, all my fears seemed to subside. All my worries about others opinions and thoughts left me alone. I only see me, my dreams and my casket that awaited me. I knew from then on that my entire life will consist of meaningful work. I had a lot to accomplish and attempt. The idea of failure wouldn’t stop me the next day. The thought of laughed out never crossed my mind. I was set on my mission and nothing else.

I started to open up my documents. I searched hard for my past. The writing I once vowed to never finish. I double clicked on the document and watched as it loaded up on my screen. I started to read and felt all the sensations and doubts from years ago. I thought I was passed all those setbacks and roadblocks? It turns out that it isn’t possible.

“You will always feel fear. You will always experience doubt within yourself and others. You can also always remember why you do what you do. Choose to do the thing you can do.” 

So each time I wanted to stop I remembered. Each time I felt miserable and like I missing out on things in life, I remembered. Each time distractions came along with negative thoughts or company, I remembered. I remembered what I looked like in the casket all washed up and unlived. I remembered the dreams that stood in between me and the casket itself. That’s enough to keep me going. What will keep you going?

The book was tough to finish. Publishing it was even harder but at least I can say I did it.Teenage Chronicles is finally done and self-published on Amazon. It feels good to know I powered through and to know I have all the motivation I need to do anything I desire to do.

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